They say a picture is worth 1000 words. (probably only 750 in my case), but anyway, I thought I would treat you to a little demontration of Switzerland. A little nugget, or microcosm, if you will, of why I go around asking 'why' all the time?
'Why this' and 'Why that'? AND why my co- workers and friends, Swiss and American, are tired of me asking 'why' and have threatened to really kick my ass, or even kill me, if I don't stop complaining.
Without further ado, please click link below. Turn the volume up a bit...Jeez I never realized how fast I speak...it should be audible enough though.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Swiss Efficiency
Lately, I spend my most of my time fighting an entire country. It is fucking hard work and I‘m exhausted.
Switzerland is not a third world nation by any means. In fact, according to some survey, Zurich was just named the City with the highest quality of living in the world for the SECOND year in a row (thank you Howard B for the link). I live in Zurich and sometimes I wish I was in a third world country. The illogic of this place is just astounding. Mr. Spock could never spend one minute here.
I’m doing laundry right now and have been for the last 6-8 hours. I have a Swiss-efficient combination Washer/Dryer. It does neither very well. The only thing it has done successfully since I’ve been using it, is burn my hand.
The instruction manual is 135 pages long, and like everything else, split into German, French and Italian only. The super of my apartment can’t figure out how to work the machine and he speaks all three of these languages.
After washing the clothes for an hour and drying for them three, all that is produced is a hot, still smelling, wet, steaming pile of socks and underwear. It’s a fucking nightmare. And when I have to clean the lint filter, it’s also wet, hair-infested and vile.
It’s the irony that kills me though. They try to be so efficient around here, but it almost always backfires. I end up using the same energy because the thing has to run for entire day. I’m not paying 150 bucks to take it out when I have a machine in my house. Yes, you read that right. $150. I’m not doing it. No fucking way.
Right off the bat, can you imagine me going into the store and buying this ridiculous clothes line type thing shown below. When was the last time anyone of you has seen, let alone used a device such as
this? When the goddamn Odd Couple 
was on in prime time, that’s when. Go ahead, laugh it up at poor old Zipper’s expense, envisioning his fat ass loading this thing with wet, disgusting, gray socks. Where’s the efficiency in any of this, Switzerland? Look at the instrument panel of this stupid thing. Good Will Hunting would scratch his head.
I went to a gay wedding last night. How is this relevant to any of this? It really isn’t, but some of the things that happened during and after the event are. I’ll start with the train ride home. I got a CHF 80 fine for not having the proper ticket. It’s such bullshit the way they do things on the train. I have a monthly ticket, which is good in most places. The wedding place was outside the zone, but we literally had to run to catch the train home or wait another hour at 2:00 AM. There was no time to get the supplemental ticket. That doesn’t matter to them. They take great pleasure that you’re fucked. No negotiation…."Please sign here, Danke Scheon". My boss got dinged too.
We’ve all been steaming about this whole wedding thing for weeks. Look at these costumes we were required to wear by the double-gay grooms.. No exceptions These things aren’t exactly light weight as you can see and it‘s June. They also cost 180 bucks to rent for one night. So now this thing is costing me 260 with the fine even before the gift. Also, the guy who got man-ried left us all with a pile of work . There was one silver lining about this wedding though. This girl in blue here. I advise you to click and enlarge.
This girl was absolutely flawless. Porcelein skin and eyes bluer than this dress. Can you imagine if she was dressed like this back then with all those Marquis de Sade types running around? My Gosh. Turns out that she spent some time in Louisiana and spoke with this sweet Swiss/Cajan lilt. Yes, I did actually speak to her, assholes.
Enough pleasing stuff. Here’s another thing that pissed me off this week. I’m on a softball team here. We played a game the other day and we were winning 11-3 in the last inning. Of course the other team came back to tie. The thing is, we had two separate innings shortened by this stupid 5 run max rule. Logic would dictate that the 5 run rule should be in effect for all innings. Who knows how many we would have scored in those other two. So of course, I argue this to the ump and the other team. They look at me like I’m an obnoxious New Yorker and don’t even really respond. It took this other team 6 innings to figure out that they should hit the ball to girl in right field. You can read the entire game story here, btw as I’ve been appointed team journalist, as you might have expected. But it should be noted that the manager of the team is an editor for the Associated Press and his wife is a writer there.
There is an enormous soccer tournament taking place here in Switzerland and Austria right now. The place is nuts. Cars and houses draped in different flags of the world and I still don’t get why this game is popular. Here’s the best argument I can think that proves it’s dull. They actually count shots that miss the net as an actual statistic/scoring chance. The crowd cheers appreciatively when THEIR OWN TEAM shoot wide. Another thing I’ve noticed is that they have stats on a guy that tracks how much running he done during the game. It’s usually like 7 or 8 km, which is like 5 miles. So basically, this guy has ran around the pitch for this incredible distance and has, in all likelihood, accomplished absolutely nothing. Just like my washing machine.
Check this out. This is so Switzerland.
Switzerland is not a third world nation by any means. In fact, according to some survey, Zurich was just named the City with the highest quality of living in the world for the SECOND year in a row (thank you Howard B for the link). I live in Zurich and sometimes I wish I was in a third world country. The illogic of this place is just astounding. Mr. Spock could never spend one minute here.
I’m doing laundry right now and have been for the last 6-8 hours. I have a Swiss-efficient combination Washer/Dryer. It does neither very well. The only thing it has done successfully since I’ve been using it, is burn my hand.
The instruction manual is 135 pages long, and like everything else, split into German, French and Italian only. The super of my apartment can’t figure out how to work the machine and he speaks all three of these languages.
After washing the clothes for an hour and drying for them three, all that is produced is a hot, still smelling, wet, steaming pile of socks and underwear. It’s a fucking nightmare. And when I have to clean the lint filter, it’s also wet, hair-infested and vile.
It’s the irony that kills me though. They try to be so efficient around here, but it almost always backfires. I end up using the same energy because the thing has to run for entire day. I’m not paying 150 bucks to take it out when I have a machine in my house. Yes, you read that right. $150. I’m not doing it. No fucking way.
Right off the bat, can you imagine me going into the store and buying this ridiculous clothes line type thing shown below. When was the last time anyone of you has seen, let alone used a device such as
this? When the goddamn Odd Couple was on in prime time, that’s when. Go ahead, laugh it up at poor old Zipper’s expense, envisioning his fat ass loading this thing with wet, disgusting, gray socks. Where’s the efficiency in any of this, Switzerland? Look at the instrument panel of this stupid thing. Good Will Hunting would scratch his head.I went to a gay wedding last night. How is this relevant to any of this? It really isn’t, but some of the things that happened during and after the event are. I’ll start with the train ride home. I got a CHF 80 fine for not having the proper ticket. It’s such bullshit the way they do things on the train. I have a monthly ticket, which is good in most places. The wedding place was outside the zone, but we literally had to run to catch the train home or wait another hour at 2:00 AM. There was no time to get the supplemental ticket. That doesn’t matter to them. They take great pleasure that you’re fucked. No negotiation…."Please sign here, Danke Scheon". My boss got dinged too.
We’ve all been steaming about this whole wedding thing for weeks. Look at these costumes we were required to wear by the double-gay grooms.. No exceptions These things aren’t exactly light weight as you can see and it‘s June. They also cost 180 bucks to rent for one night. So now this thing is costing me 260 with the fine even before the gift. Also, the guy who got man-ried left us all with a pile of work . There was one silver lining about this wedding though. This girl in blue here. I advise you to click and enlarge.
This girl was absolutely flawless. Porcelein skin and eyes bluer than this dress. Can you imagine if she was dressed like this back then with all those Marquis de Sade types running around? My Gosh. Turns out that she spent some time in Louisiana and spoke with this sweet Swiss/Cajan lilt. Yes, I did actually speak to her, assholes.
Enough pleasing stuff. Here’s another thing that pissed me off this week. I’m on a softball team here. We played a game the other day and we were winning 11-3 in the last inning. Of course the other team came back to tie. The thing is, we had two separate innings shortened by this stupid 5 run max rule. Logic would dictate that the 5 run rule should be in effect for all innings. Who knows how many we would have scored in those other two. So of course, I argue this to the ump and the other team. They look at me like I’m an obnoxious New Yorker and don’t even really respond. It took this other team 6 innings to figure out that they should hit the ball to girl in right field. You can read the entire game story here, btw as I’ve been appointed team journalist, as you might have expected. But it should be noted that the manager of the team is an editor for the Associated Press and his wife is a writer there.
There is an enormous soccer tournament taking place here in Switzerland and Austria right now. The place is nuts. Cars and houses draped in different flags of the world and I still don’t get why this game is popular. Here’s the best argument I can think that proves it’s dull. They actually count shots that miss the net as an actual statistic/scoring chance. The crowd cheers appreciatively when THEIR OWN TEAM shoot wide. Another thing I’ve noticed is that they have stats on a guy that tracks how much running he done during the game. It’s usually like 7 or 8 km, which is like 5 miles. So basically, this guy has ran around the pitch for this incredible distance and has, in all likelihood, accomplished absolutely nothing. Just like my washing machine.
Check this out. This is so Switzerland.
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